Sunday was a long-awaited day. I finally finished my Master’s program! Hit the “submit” button on my final paper, which was much easier than finding a printer that actually had ink and a stapler that actually had staples so that I could madly dash to campus (in the snow, uphill both ways) and turn in a paper, as was the typical process in undergrad. I marked the occasion with a facebook post, which got way more responses than I expected! It was a purely online program, so I don’t know my classmates, and I won’t be donning a cap or gown for a ceremony. But a couple super thoughtful friends have gifted me with unicorn socks and cake, which seems better anyway.
How long did it take me to finish? Depends how you count it…. I started the program approximately a million years ago. I took several classes, but it was right around the time the Recession was setting in and hitting the school districts hard. We lost all kinds of staffing, which meant I lost teammates, and there was a much heavier weight on my teacher shoulders. I finally admitted that I couldn’t handle it all at once, and set the program aside. Of course that meant losing momentum, and it took a long time to pick it back up again…. I finally picked it up last summer. Some of my credits were still valid, but others had expired, which meant retaking classes. I knew this was going to be a tough year, and of course it ended up being so much tougher than I ever could have predicted. But I managed to keep my head down, keep pushing forward, and finally finished the program a year later.
I appreciate the kind words from everybody telling me that I should be proud of this accomplishment! And I am.
At the same time, I’ve been feeling the weight of everything I haven’t managed to accomplish this year in all the other areas of my life. Whether it was work, church, choir, family, friends… I’ve been giving the best that I can, but it often hasn’t been very much. I feel like I’ve been that flakey person that makes all sorts of well-intentioned promises, and then fails to follow through. I’ve missed all kinds of birthdays and events that I should have acknowledged. I’ve said “no” when I wanted to say “yes.”
If I spent any time at all with you this year, please know that means you’re very important to me. It probably wasn’t as much time as I would have liked. But I definitely didn’t have time in my day or space in my head for anything I don’t highly value.
I really appreciate how kind and forgiving people have been of my shortcomings this year! When I feel like I’m coming up short every time I turn around, it means the world to be met with grace. So many thank yous to everyone who’s just loved me anyways!
I’ve been telling myself all kinds of nice stories about what a better person I’d be once the master’s program was done taking up space in my life. All the things I’d do and be with the copious free time that was going to fall into my lap…. Basically, I’ve been setting myself up for failure. I’m a teacher! I never had time or energy before starting this program, so I don’t know why I think I’ll have it after. I really won’t. I’ll hopefully be better, but I’m never going to be my idealized best.
I don’t know that I actually learned much from my classes. Sorry, it’s the truth; they were mostly all about jumping through a gazillion hoops. But I did learn a lot this year…. I learned about who I am, and about what’s most important to me. I learned about what I can let go. I learned about what I can never let go. I learned about my limitations. I learned about my strengths. I learned about my community. I learned about love. I learned about pain, and anger, and fear, and hate. And I learned about love.
Since I don’t have any graduation photos to share from this degree, I’ll stick this one in from undergrad. (It would be wrong to publish this post without a cap and gown photo, right?) I love this photo, and I love the people in it (and the few who missed the photo)! We were the “culturally responsive” teaching cohort, and we all qualified for the grant by being multicultural, multilingual, disabled, or some combination of the three. It was a pretty unique and incredible experience to be part of such a lovely pocket of diversity at mostly homogenous BYU. I learned from my classes, but I learned more from my classmates. We shared a crazy amount of laughs, love, and tears! The education profession would benefit from more programs like this, intentionally recruiting and training a more diverse pool of teachers. (Also: yes, we saw the directions stating that flower leis weren’t allowed. Jaymi decided that rule didn’t apply to us. Jaymi’s awesome.:))